God redeems, and he listens to us in times of trouble. He is faithful and merciful above all, but sometimes the weight of the past can feel like quicksand. I came to Christ late in life, after years and years of doing whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted, however I wanted, I was faced with an undeniable truth. I lived a rotten life, and the seeds of discourse that I had sown pre-Christ were still in the soil, and despite the joy of salvation and the new hope in Christ, the reaping of that malignant season of waywardness felt merciless.
I held onto Christ while my entire life fell apart, but I still felt the weight of my past crush my spirit. Tears fall daily. Either from emotional pain and despair, or sincere gratitude for what the Lord has done in my life.
The sheer poetry of it all is amazing, but Scripture has a way of articulating the human condition with scary precision.
Psalm 6: 6-7 I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes.
Whoever loses his life will gain it. And that is me.
The Lord is faithfully rewiring all of the bad architecture that lived and still lives in my soul. Just as an old house has to be torn down to the studs, so have I been completely and utterly stripped down to the fragments of what I once was and am now “under construction”. And while I look at my reconstruction as a lifelong process, I feel like I should have made more progress by now. But that’s life, and that’s certainly construction. Never as quickly as you thought, and far more expensive than you would have ever imagined.
The rebuilding can feel good at times. I wake up feeling renewed and overjoyed with what I have been given, but the refinement, by design, still hurts. Failed relationships, failed hopes, failed finances, failed. failed. failed. And so what does the enemy do? Well, of course, he says I’m a failure, but that’s not what God says about me, or my condition.
Isaiah 43: 1-2 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
You see, the Lord promises throughout scripture that he will never leave His children. He is with me, and you and us through it all.
I am His, and something is calming about the gravity of being a created person who walks with the creator of the universe, and He knows your name, and calls you His own. It feels abstract until His arms wrap around you, it’s like being hugged by the ocean. All encompassing warmth, love, grace, understanding, patience, and mercy that you cannot escape or deny.
Emmanuel: God with Us. And while that was a literal term when Jesus was born, it also remains true with the Holy Spirit.
I invite you to reflect on how God has redeemed you, and continues to refine you through not only trials and tribulations, but also his unbounded love and grace.
A prayer for understanding.
Precious Lord, we thank you for the blessing of rescuing and adopting us into your family. We ask that you continue to give your children understanding and wisdom through our good and challenging times on this earth. Arm us with the knowledge that you are sovereign, and everything you do is for our good and your glory. Let us not become bitter or resentful with the gift of life, or the gift of hardship and suffering, but teach us to rely on you, as you will clothe the flowers and feed the ravens, you will also not let your children perish in the dark of night without the loving hand of their father. Allow us to find refuge under your wings, our Lord. Amen.
